I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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