You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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