I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
