Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
