I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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