Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
