In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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