I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
