does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
