I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
