Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
