I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
