He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
