Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
