the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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