Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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