We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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