actually, I'm a sock model
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
