I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
