We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
