do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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