You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
