yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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