i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
