sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
