dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
