Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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