Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
