Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
