so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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