I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
