We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
