I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
