p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
