i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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