We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
