they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
