just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
