i just had sex bonerless
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
