I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
