I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
