just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
