my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
