How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
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walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
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He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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