On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
