Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
