The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
