Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Randomize
