Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
