he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
