The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
