haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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