So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
This house was built for laser tag.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
