If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
