A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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