we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
