you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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