it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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