New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
