Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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