Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
