it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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