Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
