Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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