I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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