She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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