I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
