did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
