Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
