I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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