Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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