I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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