I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
